This morning I was in a yoga class and while in downward dog pose, I noticed there was a gap in my shirt around the waist area. Suddenly I could not concentrate on anything else. Could they see my post-baby belly? Was anyone noticing the disgusting view? Whispers like this went on an on until I found a moment in a pose where I could lightly tuck my shirt in. I could not concentrate on anything else (in a yoga class no less), other than something about myself I don’t like at all. Actually no, that’s not true. This is something about myself I loathe. The truth is I doubt anyone else actually gives a crap about me and my body. They probably are too busy focusing on their own self image.
I don’t like to admit it, because someone that has been on a personal growth journey as long as I have “should” have it all together and think love and rosey thoughts all the time, right? Well this rockstar doesn’t, and some days are harder than others. So what do I do about it? Being vulnerable and sharing about it helps.
I used to try and slap pretty sounding affirmations on top of the self loathing, like icing on a mud pie. I then wondered why I didn’t feel better, or why I wasn’t getting the results I wanted. I have also tried ignoring the negative voices, which only makes them louder. I also went to the other extreme of working through issues in all different kinds of healing modalities. In general, taking the time to be introspective and get support in clearing issues is a great thing. In my case though, so much focus on issues only perpetuated more issues and I felt worse.
At the end of the day, for me being a self love rockstar is about taking action in several ways:
- Acknowledging those whispers when they come- not pretending they are not there
- Shifting my focus away from myself all the time and onto giving or being around others.
- Finding things about myself to be grateful for (there is always at least one thing- like my breath, my limbs, my teeth, my ability to think, my intelligence, etc.)
- Doing healing work periodically to help clear deep-rooted beliefs and patterns that are hiding under the surface
Finally, I remind myself that we are all on a journey. Journeys are supposed to be fun and why am I taking myself so seriously? Then I smile (like right now), even if it feels like a fake smile. I feel better already, how about you?
The challenge this week Self Love Rockstars, is to work your own process with this- don’t be afraid to look under the covers and see what’s hiding out, but don’t hang out there either. Giddy up!
